I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
