some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
