the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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