We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
