I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize