I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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