Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize