There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
