My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
