So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
