Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
