im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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