T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
