I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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