i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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