I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
two words: eviction party
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
