Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize