i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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