Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
