OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE