you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
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i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.