the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.