dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?