Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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