I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
