Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
