Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.

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  (917): My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting. http://tfl.nu/u7rx
  Replies (1) Good night (738) Bad night (912)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.

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  (401): I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths. http://tfl.nu/qww0
  Replies (37) Good night (1041) Bad night (2365)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.

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  (215): Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win. http://tfl.nu/ky57
  Replies (18) Good night (4079) Bad night (706)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

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  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (9816) Bad night (2286)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.

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  (757): Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated. http://tfl.nu/8q5f
  Replies (10) Good night (3034) Bad night (997)
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  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

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  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5927) Bad night (1342)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day

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  (610): I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day http://tfl.nu/7iec
  Replies (16) Good night (3564) Bad night (987)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.

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  (317): A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some. http://tfl.nu/08yo
  Replies (14) Good night (7128) Bad night (1141)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.

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  (920): I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs. http://tfl.nu/adoe
  Replies (7) Good night (2265) Bad night (662)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.

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  (509): Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself. http://tfl.nu/tjqn
  Replies (14) Good night (1760) Bad night (804)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy

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  (815): My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy http://tfl.nu/f1hz
  Replies (10) Good night (1524) Bad night (509)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?

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  (973): Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire? http://tfl.nu/uthj
  Replies (3) Good night (914) Bad night (451)
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  (760): View more from California

  Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.

  (818): View more from California

  That was one of the best texts I got today

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  (760): Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner. (818): That was one of the best texts I got today http://tfl.nu/vb5p
  Replies (7) Good night (1738) Bad night (375)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I can't turn off my feet"

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  (419): I can't turn off my feet" http://tfl.nu/fr6o
  Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.

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  (870): You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it. http://tfl.nu/7wns
  Replies (4) Good night (666) Bad night (221)

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