when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i will never coherently bang her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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