Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
