I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
