Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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