He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
