My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
