i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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