He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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