This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
