I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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