Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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