Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
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Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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