Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i will never coherently bang her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
