Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
