my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
