And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
