3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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