That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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