Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
