My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
