how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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