Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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