i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
