All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
