dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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