His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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