I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
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I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.