You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.