i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
