There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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