i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
