Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
