I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
