I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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