You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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