Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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