i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
