Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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