A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
In the future we'll all be gay
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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