SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i used baking grease as lip gloss
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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