I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
