I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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