I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
