You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
