Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
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Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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