New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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