I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize