the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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