it was like his penis was on wheels.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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