dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
