I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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