If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
