I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
