Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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