He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
