Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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