Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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