ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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